


this is me trying

by cherrysprite



Series: folklore [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Christmas, First Kiss, Future Fic, Getting Together, Kid Fic, M/M, angst and fluff but make it christmas-y
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28198683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrysprite/pseuds/cherrysprite
Summary: Theo hasn't spoken Liam since Liam left town three years ago, so it's a shock to his system when they meet again at the pack Christmas party. It's even more of a shock when Theo realizes that Liam has a baby with him.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: folklore [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065713
Comments: 19
Kudos: 66





	this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> _  
> i've been having a hard time adjusting  
>  i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting  
> i didn't know if you'd care if I came back  
> i have a lot of regrets about that  
> pulled the car off the road to the lookout  
> could've followed my fears all the way down  
> and maybe i don't quite know what to say  
> but i'm here in your doorway  
> i just wanted you to know  
> that this is me trying_
> 
> _this is me trying - taylor swift (folklore, 2020)_  
>  here marks the beginning of my all-lowercase and taylor-swift obsessed titles...bear with me pls :,)

Theo honestly can’t tell if he likes eggnog or not. That being said, he probably would be able to think about it and form a decision more clearly if he hadn’t taken his first sip of it at the same moment he heard someone’s car pull into the driveway of Lydia’s lake house. Now he’s forcing himself to swallow it, grimacing, and getting hit in the ribs by a pointy elbow.

It’s been about three years now since the Anuk-ite situation and four since he shot Malia in the stomach that one time, so they have a weird kind of friendship that only the two of them (still just barely) understand. It’s a friendship where they can insult each other without getting pissed off, and apparently a friendship where Malia can elbow him so hard he’d be afraid for his ribs if he didn’t have supernatural healing.

“What’s wrong with your face?” She whispers as Theo stares at the kitchen floor.

“You  _ know _ what’s wrong with it,” Theo hisses back just as quietly, rolling his eyes. The pair of black glasses he now wears slips down the bridge of his nose as he tries his hardest not to make eye contact with anyone as they head into the living room a few feet away, since the  _ last _ thing he needs is to get roped into the  _ disastrous _ thing that’s about to happen. Malia tries to forcibly tilt his head back up with her thumb and index finger, but he jerks away from her and glares.

“You’re stupid and painfully obvious,” She tells him, blunt as ever. “I keep telling you you’ve gone  _ soft.” _

“I didn’t go  _ soft, _ I-” Theo cuts off on a sigh, looking around as his anxiety builds ever so much stronger. “Can you be quiet? People can  _ hear _ you.”

“They’re not paying attention,” Malia says after a quick, barely-there glance at the rest of the pack at the party. Above all the noise, Theo vaguely hears footsteps coming up the front walkway and his chest feels tight. Nausea settles in even worse than before when he hears the doorknob turning, and he takes another swig of his drink out of pure reflex. Malia keeps her eyes on him, unimpressed. “You can’t be like this. You  _ knew _ he was coming. Lydia told everyone four weeks in advance.”

“In a group text that I’m  _ not _ in,” Theo shoots back, keeping his eyes trained anywhere but to his left. In front of him, there’s Malia. To his right, there’s more of the kitchen. To his left, over the counter, there’s a living room full of people gathered to see one person that Theo just can’t.

“And then in the one that you  _ are,” _ Malia comes back with smoothly, her generally-annoyed tone going a little softer for Theo’s benefit. “Come on, you don’t need to be nervous about this. Kira’s here and I’m doing fine.”

“But have you  _ talked _ to her?” Theo says a little meaner than he needs to just so that he can ignore his surroundings even more now that an all-too-familiar scent has started to hit him again. Malia’s lips press into a firm line and her eyebrow twitches, but he doesn’t keep her down for long.

_ “No,” _ She admits, sighing frustratedly, more at his situation than her own. Her eyes drift back to the newest arrival to the party, and Theo continues to stare pointedly straight ahead at her instead. “But I don’t  _ have _ to. And neither do you.”

She goes quiet for a second as things start to happen. Predictably, Mason comes barrelling into the room at almost full-speed as the excitement of everyone else starts to pick up, and that paired with Malia’s gaze makes Theo give in. His eyes follow where she’s looking, and just like he knew it would, his heart lurches. It’s all too much.

Liam Dunbar looks as amazing as ever, Scott and Stiles standing at his sides and jostling him around, and Kira standing in front of him just enough that she blocks Theo’s view just a little. Still, he can see the blinding smile on Liam’s face as he sees his friends all together again for the first time in years, and it breaks Theo’s heart just as much as it’s supposed to mend it. It makes his chest feel both warm like hot chocolate and like it’s full of the broken glass of a dropped tree ornament at the same time, makes it hard to breathe. 

The scent that Theo knows so well drifts over the smell of cinnamon and peppermint that’s already in the room, creating a sweetness that’s overwhelmingly domestic and familiar. His laugh laces through the commotion in the air and pairs perfectly with the soft Christmas music pumping through the entire house on the speakers. His presence there is too bright, too  _ much _ , and Theo suddenly has the urge to spit out the too-sweet drink in his mouth, so he leans over into the sink and does. 

Theo decides that he doesn’t like eggnog.

It’s true that Theo had gotten some warning about Liam coming to the party, but he’d expected to be a little more prepared for it. In the two and a half years since Liam left, Theo’s managed to get his life together at least a little bit. He works at a library now where it’s quiet, just how he likes it, he has an apartment and a cat, and he has friends, or at least Malia. He’s had others who weren’t as friendly too, one girl and two guys who left as quickly as they came, but they were still warm bodies that passed the time. Liam, however, was never someone to  _ pass the time _ . He’s been an enigma ever since Theo met him when they were just stupid teenagers, and he’s still the most captivating person in the room years later. 

Malia leans over to say something to him, probably something Theo doesn’t want to hear, but he  _ can’t _ hear it anyway. Mason’s made his way into the living room and is still running at Liam ecstatically, and Liam’s face lights up. Theo expects Liam to throw his arms around his best friend and take him to the floor with the force of their hug, but to his surprise, Mason stops short in front of him when Kira steps out of the way. 

_ “Hi!” _ Mason exclaims, but it’s not the kind of voice you’d use for an adult. It’s cloyingly sweet and babyish, and Theo doesn’t register the obvious reason for that until it’s too late.

Mason moves just a little bit, and Theo feels his heart drop into his stomach.

Liam’s holding a  _ baby _ .

Liam’s holding a baby, and one that looks just like him, not that Theo can tell - he just hears Scott and Mason’s coos of pride in the background of the white noise that’s taken over his brain - and one that makes Liam smile like nothing else ever has. Theo’s aware that his mouth has dropped open just a little and that Malia is staring scrutinizingly at the side of his face, but Theo can’t move.

Liam’s holding a  _ baby _ .

“Oh my  _ God,” _ Mason downright squeaks, moving around like some kind of bird that has nowhere to land. He tickles under the kid’s chin, and Theo’s shoulders tense out of instinct when he hears the little thing laugh. “He’s so  _ cute!” _

“Thanks, made him myself,” Liam says, and everyone laughs. It wouldn’t have been funny if Liam hadn’t been the one to say it. “The place looks great, Lydia.”

Lydia, who had appeared somewhere at Liam’s side without Theo noticing, beams and makes grabby-hands for the baby to hold him. As Liam starts to really move to pass him off to her, Theo is finally able to tear his eyes away, because  _ holy fuck. _

Theo’s mouth is dry despite his drink from just a few minutes earlier. He swallows and can’t meet Malia’s eyes, keeping them firmly focused on the Christmas-tree pattern of a plate on the countertop. “...He has a baby?” He asks so quietly he’s surprised she can even pick it up.

He doesn’t know what he wants to hear, what would  _ possibly _ make him feel better, but Malia doesn’t say it. “Yeah,” She says instead, like it should’ve been obvious. “You didn’t know?”

❆ ❆ ❆

Theo is pretty used to being ignored since he’s still everyone’s least favorite in the pack - it’s honestly a miracle that he gets invited to pack meetings and gatherings like this, probably due to Scott feeling obligated to be nice to everyone and Malia’s subtle methods of manipulation - but he still would’ve thought that someone would tell him about an entire new  _ person, _ especially one that came from Liam.

Malia fills him in on the details before she goes to say hi. Apparently, David William Dunbar, named after Liam’s stepfather, is just about three months old, and he’s Liam and his girlfriend Jasmine’s pride and joy. She shows him the pictures Liam sent to apparently everyone except him of David when he was born, then his first Halloween dressed up as a pumpkin, and a few other, equally cute snaps of him. Eventually, Theo has to stop looking at them, since it’s both an informational and emotional overload.

He doesn’t deserve it, he  _ knows _ he doesn’t, but when Liam left after he graduated, he’d kind of thought he might make  _ some _ attempt to keep in touch and not leave him out like everyone else. Liam had always been the one to include him in things when he was still around, but after he left, he’d apparently given up on caring, and that was that. Mason had let slip once that there was a group text Theo  _ wasn’t _ in, one that  _ included _ Liam, and one that Theo  _ was _ in that  _ didn’t _ include Liam, so there weren’t even any group conversations. Theo wasn’t one to start his own, much less text Liam individually, so he’d been completely iced out and blindsided. 

Theo sits on the steps to the basement rec room and wonders if there are any group texts, like ones that don’t include people like Nolan or Corey, or if he’s the only one being left out. Considering he’s only in one, the answer points to the more depressing option.

But he barely cares about that part. What hurts the  _ most _ , he finds as he sips on his third wolfsbane-laced beer of the night, is that Liam himself never bothered to reach out at  _ all _ . Evidently, he’s completely  _ erased _ Theo from his life without a word, neglecting to tell him anything. He never thought to text him and say,  _ “Hey, I have a girlfriend now,” _ or  _ “Hey, my girlfriend is pregnant,” _ or  _ “Hey, my son was just born tonight, I just thought you might want to know.” _ No, Liam’s contact has no messages in the log on Theo’s phone. 

He knows he doesn’t deserve Liam’s time or words, but it stings all the same.

Theo’s only still  _ at _ the party because he has to be. He may have made fun of Malia for ignoring her problems (I.E. Kira, who’s also visiting from out of state), but Theo’s doing pretty much the same thing. Malia didn’t tell him to buck up and  _ talk _ to him, but she  _ had _ made him promise to stay at the party, and when he didn’t promise, she stole his car keys in typical Malia fashion.

Out of sight, he listens to Liam and Mason talk as he plays a round of pool with Derek and Corey. Mason holds David as if he’s his own, and Liam takes pauses in conversation here and there to aim. The clinking of two balls together makes Theo cringe every time, but the vague conversation he overhears isn’t much better.

He gets something along the lines of  _ “job opportunity” _ and  _ “moving back,” _ which would’ve been something that made Theo’s heart soar before, but instead, he feels it sink lower. He might’ve tried to work past their severed ties, but now Theo really has  _ no _ hope at all anymore. There’s a child in the equation now. An innocent, unknowing child, who Theo is going to have to stay away from. David doesn’t deserve to have to grow up around some guy who’s always miserable because he’s in love with his dad, and Theo can’t let that happen. It might not even be a problem. Theo doubts Liam would even let him around his kid to begin with after he’d taken such care to remove him from his life. He’s pretty sure that if they’ve made it almost half an hour into this small party without a single shared glance between them, they might not talk to each other until one of them croaks.

Theo takes a sip of beer and remembers something else. What about  _ Jasmine? _ Theo knows that Liam would pick a girl to have a baby with who’s just as smart and reasonable as he is, so she’d  _ know _ . She’d probably take one look at Theo’s sorry ass and know everything just by the way Theo looks at Liam like some kind of lost puppy, and who knows what’ll happen then? She’d probably tell Liam about how pathetic Theo is and then make everything a million times worse when he finally knows. Maybe she’d even embarrass him by calling him out in front of everybody, since as Liam’s girlfriends usually are, she’ll be vindictive and cruel in a quiet way. After that, if Theo could even bear to show his face near the pack again, she’d kiss Liam on the cheek and rest her hands on his shoulders and smile at Theo while she did it,  _ just _ to show him how happy and content Liam is with his  _ real _ family without Theo anywhere near it.

Or maybe that’s just the beer talking. Or the growing pit of dread in his stomach starting to eat him alive from the inside out, slowly taking him over until he doesn’t exist anymore and becomes a black hole.

Or maybe he’s just hungry.

Theo gets up from his spot on the stairs and heads back up to the main floor, not noticing Liam’s eyes on his back as he leaves.

❆ ❆ ❆

Theo can say what he wants about not wanting to be there, but Lydia definitely knows how to throw a party. The spread out in the kitchen and dining room is impressive and Theo’s been grazing on it all night like a perfect introvert at a party full of people, so he finds himself migrating back naturally. He wants to be at home forgetting about what he’s seen tonight and preparing himself for Christmas in three days on his own, he at least has good snacks to sweeten the deal a little.

He takes a cookie off of a red plate and leans against the counter with it. As he eats as slowly as he can, dragging it out so that he isn’t obligated to go find something else to do just yet, he glances around at who he can see now that he won’t accidentally make eye contact with Liam. In the living room, Lydia is a little tipsy and has both of her hands on each of Parrish’s biceps, who’s holding her steady and looking as smitten with the banshee as he always has. A few feet away from him, Peter is drinking something that smells seriously alcoholic and seemingly doing the same thing as him, peoplewatching, although probably less out of nerves and more out of general shadiness. Over by the stairs leading up to the second floor, Theo catches sight of Malia talking to Kira, and he can’t help but feel a little bitterness. Despite her hesitance, Malia’s still strong enough to go and face what she wants like a person, and  _ Kira’s _ the one looking a little red in the face. Malia talks to her like it’s natural and she has no worries in the world, and Theo envies the ability to hide that so well. He doesn’t have that skill anymore, so he knows that if he even tried to talk to Liam, he’d probably end up being mean on accident or on purpose just out of defense and then feel bad about it later. 

Theo has a moment of deja-vu when the cookie suddenly turns too sweet in his mouth for the same reason - he catches a voice that he doesn’t want to, saying something that he doesn’t know how to take. 

“I’m gonna catch up with Theo, I’ll be back,” Liam’s muffled voice says from downstairs.

Theo hears his footsteps start coming up the basement stairs, and since Theo has lost every  _ bit _ of dignity he’s ever had by now, he does the first thing that feels natural - he runs. Peter looks at him curiously when he all but bolts out of the kitchen and heads towards the back door.

He finds himself walking down onto the wide dock over the lake, which is also decorated with multi-colored Christmas lights that reflect in the dark water. He stands towards the middle of it and tries to catch his breath the best he can, feeling the cool air in his lungs, but it doesn’t help.  _ God _ , he’s awful. He doesn’t remember turning into the person he is now. If this is how normal people live, avoidant and non-confrontational, his past views on the human and subhuman races are right.  _ Pathetic _ .

He opens his eyes when he hears the glass door he left from open and shut; Liam’s found him. Just to look busy, he takes out his phone and opens the notes app. He types out random words into an empty note as Liam starts to get closer - _ raincoat, chocolate, tooth fairy _ \- and then hits the  _ ‘enter’ _ key on his keyboard extra hard to give the impression of finality in  _ ‘sending’ _ the ‘message.’ By the time he slips his phone back into his pocket, Liam’s almost right next to him. 

“Hey,” Liam says, all smooth and soft like always, and Theo makes himself look up to see Liam again for the first time in years this close. The lights reflect in his eyes beautifully, but Theo forces himself to ignore it, looking at his eyebrows instead, following a tactic he’d learned. Liam holds one hand out to him while the other supports his son’s back as he lays against Liam’s chest.  _ Really? This is where they are? Handshakes? _ Theo pretends not to notice it, and Liam slips his hand back into the pocket of his jacket silently. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Theo says as strongly and as calmly as he can, barely remembering a time where he didn’t have to  _ try _ to be calm around Liam. Liam has a little smile on his lips, and Theo doesn’t remember that. He doesn’t remember a time when Liam would smile at him for no reason at all, at least not when he could see it. It does a thing to Theo’s chest that he doesn’t like.

Liam rocks on his heels for a second since neither one of them can possibly deny the awkward tension, then seems to remember that he’s holding his son, his biggest conversation starter. “Have you met David?” Liam asks, his eyes lighting up a little. He slips his hand back out of his pocket and wraps his thumb and index finger around David’s little wrist, making a soft waving gesture with his tiny hand. Theo’s lungs constrict when he realizes how much they really do look alike, and how  _ happy _ Liam looks.

And Theo, before he can stop himself, does exactly what he knew he would and says something bitter anyway. “How could I have?” He asks with a hint of a laugh in his voice, but they both know he isn't joking around. “I didn’t know he existed until about an hour ago.”

Theo sees that he definitely stumps Liam with that. He watches with a twisted sense of satisfaction as Liam clearly struggles to find something else to say, but at the same time, it hurts. Things are going right in the pattern he’d predicted. They size each other up, test each other, and keep going until it finally breaks and one of them hurts the other’s feelings. They even skipped right to the third part faster than Theo thought they would, and that’s his fault.

Liam’s response is lame, but it’s kind of the only one he can give. “Do you want to hold him?” Liam asks, angling David towards him.

Maybe social norms might not always be Theo’s thing, but he knows better than to reject somebody’s baby, especially one of an old friend he’s trying not to drive away, so he nods silently and lets Liam maneuver David into his arms. The boy looks uncertain and kind of upset at leaving his father, but Liam smiles at him reassuringly, so David settles with snuffling a little and settling to get comfortable with Theo. Theo realizes that this is the first time he’s ever held a baby, and he should be happy about finally getting to do it, but he isn’t. It’s not  _ David’s _ fault or anything, but holding Liam’s baby and having it be one that doesn’t belong to him  _ too _ is a cruel thing for the universe to toss at him like that. Apparently, Theo’s still getting punished.

“You’re a natural at that,” Liam comments with that same small smile, pointing out how David’s fitted snugly and perfectly against Theo’s chest. “I figured you would be.”

Theo doesn’t know how to take  _ that _ at  _ all, _ much less respond, so he just doesn’t. He swallows past the sudden lump in his throat and focuses on holding Liam’s son protectively and carefully, one hand over his little back and the other underneath him, even though it hurts like a bitch with each passing second. “When was he born?” He asks instead of saying something else that’d get him into trouble. Liam’s smile gets a little bigger, presumably remembering the day.

“September ninth,” Liam says fondly. “It was pretty scary, to be honest. It was just suddenly time to go in the middle of the night, and we almost didn’t make it to the hospital,” Liam recounts, looking at David. There’s that same proud look in his eyes as always, but there’s also a sadness there that Theo doesn’t understand. He doesn’t bring it up, since it isn’t his to ask about. “Well, how have things been with you?”

Theo knows he’s asking more along the lines of his job and what he’s been up to while Liam’s been starting a family, but he just shrugs. “They’re fine,” He says instead of any of the other things he could. He doesn’t tell Liam about his failed relationships and the huge fucking void that’s been in his life, the one that he noticed a month after Liam left that he’s never been able to fill since. “I have an apartment. A job.”

Liam nods. “You wear glasses now.”

“Yeah.”

“They suit you.”

Theo wants to die.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Theo’s one-hundred percent sure that if he weren’t holding Liam’s kid, they’d both be fleeing off back into the party to find a much less awkward conversation, but Theo’s not sure how to just give him back. David’s pretty much locked onto him now anyway, his surprisingly-strong fists gripping little handfuls of Theo’s sweater. They’re kind of stuck there.

Trying to be smart and get one of the hardest conversations out of the way first, Theo takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders before breaking the silence. “I heard you’re moving back to Beacon Hills,” He says, half-hoping it’s not true. The other half, the dumber half, wishes for something different, even though both halves know he shouldn’t. However, Liam’s face shows recognition and not confusion, confirming his suspicions. Theo takes another breath, this one unintentionally shakier than the last. “...We’ll get to meet…?” He trails since he’s not supposed to know Jasmine’s name yet. 

“No,” Liam says, throwing Theo for a loop. “I mean, I  _ am _ moving back to Beacon Hills, just...not with Jasmine,” He says. Liam had been looking at the wood of the dock, but when he glances back up and catches Theo’s eyes, Theo can’t read him. 

“...Oh,” He says, truly confused as to what to do now. Now  _ neither _ half of him has any clue on what’s supposed to happen next. “I’m sorry.”

Liam shakes his head. “No, it’s...it’s fine,” He says, one corner of his mouth tipping up in the beginning of a smile that confuses Theo even more. 

Theo’s at a loss for words. “What, ah...what- where is she?” He settles with for some reason, and Liam honest-to-God  _ snorts _ .

“Hell if I know. Somewhere in  _ Maine _ , maybe?”

❆ ❆ ❆

Stairs seem to be the place of the night since half an hour later, Theo finds himself sitting on the two that lead from the back door to the pathway to the dock. David’s back inside getting attention from the other pack members while Theo and Liam talk. It’s more of Liam talking and Theo listening, but he doesn’t mind. He knows from experience that if he doesn’t let Liam get things out all at once, he probably just won’t.

“Things were good at first,” Liam says, looking out at the stars above the lake while Theo keeps his eyes trained on him. “But I guess she just decided that being a mom wasn’t for her after all. I don’t think we would’ve stayed together if we didn’t have David, either way.”

Theo tries to find something to say to that, feeling like he’s supposed to, but he can’t. Instead, he looks down into his cup. It’s somehow eggnog again, an accident, but maybe he’s starting to come around to it. 

Liam takes a deep breath of the cold air through his nose and lets it back out. His hands are held together between his knees, and they come up just slightly in a questioning manner as he speaks. 

“It’s fine, though. I was upset at first, but it’s better to know early than late if she’s not going to be all-in.” He bites his lip, and Theo wonders how he isn’t angry. Is this the same Liam he knows? “And I guess there was always just something pulling me back from her, anyway, so after she left, I knew I had to look for it, and I knew it was in Beacon Hills. I could never get my mind off it even when I was all the way in New York, so I just...took a chance, got a plane. I’m staying in a hotel for awhile,” He explains. “It’ll suck for David not growing up with a mother, of course, but I needed help anyway. I can get it here.”

“Your parents?” Theo asks, knowing that Jenna and David stayed behind when Liam left.

“Yeah, and Scott, the pack,” Liam says, nodding his head. “I’d text them a lot about it.”

For whatever reason, out of all of the things Liam’s already said that could’ve made Theo break again, that’s what it is. He bites his tongue hard to keep himself from saying anything stupid, but it doesn’t work. “You could’ve asked me.”

Liam looks like Theo just punched him in the face.  _ Good _ . It’s good to get a taste of your own medicine sometimes. His lips part. “I…” He trails, sounding soft, but his face and tone grow slightly annoyed and defensive.  _ Typical _ . “You never texted or anything.”

Theo almost laughs, and he does end up grinning darkly and looking away just to hide the sting in his eyes. “You never seemed like you  _ wanted _ me to,” He shoots back, shaking his head and putting his cup down on the ground. “It’s not like you went out of your way to go first or anything. There weren’t any check-ins or questions, you just never said  _ anything _ . You  _ had _ things to say. You never even told me you had a  _ baby _ ,” Theo scoffs, unable to look at him. “I know we weren’t the  _ closest _ friends when you were still around, but I thought we were better than  _ that.” _

Liam breathes in sharply. “Look, things got  _ complicated-” _

“Too complicated to _ text?” _

_ “Yes,”  _ Liam says strongly. Theo grits his teeth and bites his tongue again, which only works now that he’s out of words to say. “I don’t expect you to understand-”

He can’t hold in the punched-out, incredulous laugh that leaves him. “Oh, no, I _ understand,” _ Theo shoots back, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “You have a baby and suddenly you can’t be bothered to pick up a phone and dial a number that’s  _ too old _ because you don’t think I’d  _ understand _ . And maybe I wouldn’t, but I’d  _ try _ . I would have picked up the phone, Liam-”

“Yeah, because I’m really going to call the _unattached,_ _do-whatever-he-wants_ guy to help with the growing divide in my relationship when _he’s_ the fucking _problem,”_ Liam growls. 

Theo swears his teeth are going to break under the clench of his jaw, but he doesn’t get to know, since Liam gets up and leaves. 

❆ ❆ ❆

“I’m sorry.”

“You  _ suck _ .”

“I know,” Liam says understandingly. Theo’s glad he’s confident in his suckishness, at least. Back on another set of stairs fifteen minutes later, the ones from the main floor to the basement, Liam stands behind him. Theo doesn’t know what Liam was doing for those fifteen minutes, probably ranting to Mason or someone, but he’s taking the place next to him now even though he isn’t invited to. “I shouldn’t have said all that.”

Theo doesn’t let up. If he were less genuinely upset, he’d be enjoying this. “You’re right.”

Liam’s eyebrow twitches and he sighs. “Can you- Can I just _ talk?” _ He asks, almost pleads. Theo rolls his eyes, but stays quiet. “I know you’re not any different because you don’t have a kid and you haven’t been with anybody in a serious way. I don’t know why I said that,” He admits. “I just didn’t call because I was overwhelmed. I was in a relationship that wasn’t good for me and wasn’t going anywhere, I was still dealing with things back here that I left behind, and on top of all that, I became a father out of nowhere,” Liam says. “I don’t regret that last part. David’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to be. But I...I  _ do _ regret leaving the way I did,” He says. 

Theo bites his lip. He remembers the day Liam left. Theo had gotten barely any time with him to explore the weird thing that was going on between them, because right after the hunters cleared out and Liam was able to finish his junior year of high school, he took the chance to go and live with his aunt and uncle in New York to be safer. He graduated high school there, and then only a year afterwards, he had a baby. Theo understands why Liam’s overwhelmed. While Theo’s felt like time has gone slower since Liam left, Liam’s been going at a pace that he was never ready for. Some of the anger seeps out of him and turns into something sadder.

“I wish that I didn’t leave. I wish I would’ve stuck around just a little longer and tried to figure out what was happening here before I decided I was done,” Liam admits, rubbing the back of his neck. He goes quiet for a second, then he looks up to meet Theo’s eyes. “I wish that I would’ve stuck around for you.”

Theo feels his breath stick in his lungs, his brain suddenly shutting off.  _ What?  _ What Liam had said to him back on the dock about Theo being the  _ problem _ hadn’t even registered to him at all until now.

Liam seems to see Theo’s uncertainty, because he swallows and keeps going. “I’m serious, I wish I did. We had something going back then, something that I should’ve put more thought into before I ran away like some kind of coward. I’ve been thinking about it for literal  _ years, _ asking myself if I’m just overthinking it, but I’m  _ not,” _ He says. “There was something there, and I don’t think it’s too late for us to try and fix it.”

He should be happy. Theo should be jumping for joy at this, the words he’s wanted to hear every day for years, but he isn’t, and he doesn’t. He stays rooted to the spot, his lips slightly parted as he looks at Liam with what probably looks like a million questions in his eyes. As much as he’s thought about this happening, he’s somehow never prepared an answer; he’s never prepared an answer, much less one that involves three years’ worth of lost time, a sudden move back, and Liam’s  _ son _ . 

“What do you…?” Theo breathes, barely aware that he’s even speaking. The corner of Liam’s lips tilts up into a tiny smile, and one of his hands rubs his own thigh nervously. 

“I just...I want to try, Theo,” Liam says, chewing his bottom lip. “I’m back, for good now, and I want to try.”

Theo blinks. _ He wants to try? _ “What does that even  _ mean?” _ He asks, his breath starting to come quicker without his permission. Something in him that feels like a mix of anger and panic is starting to bubble up and boil over, and he can’t stop it. “H-how am I supposed to take that? You come back here after three years of radio silence with a baby I didn’t even know about, and you want to sit here and tell me you want to  _ ‘try?’  _ What the  _ fuck _ am I supposed to do with that?”

His suspicions are confirmed when Liam’s eyes leave his for just a second, going downcast. “I don’t know,” He admits.

Theo laughs breathlessly, the same way that he did when Liam told him he ‘wouldn’t understand.’ “Well,  _ know _ ,” Theo rightfully demands of him, his voice raising just above what it’s been. “Because I have no  _ clue _ what you want me to do, Liam.  _ You _ were the one to come to  _ me _ with this, so  _ know _ .”

“I want you to give me a chance,” Liam says quickly as soon as Theo’s done talking, a hint of desperation in his voice that Theo hasn’t heard in years. “I know I don’t deserve it after all this time of me trying to fight it, but I want you to give me a chance to make things right, because I’ve thought about you  _ every single da _ y since I left, and I  _ know _ you’ve been thinking of me, too,” He pleads. “ _ You’re _ the thing that was pulling me back to Beacon Hills every second I was away, and I can’t ignore that anymore. I know things will be complicated, and there’s a lot to learn about each other that we’ve missed out on, but…” He trails, cutting off on a sigh. “Don’t you think it  _ means _ something that we’re still stuck on each other three years later? Wouldn’t we have gotten over it if it wasn’t worth a shot?”

Theo goes quiet.

“You always knew exactly what to say to make me spiral.”

The ghost of a smile comes to Liam’s lips. “It’s a talent of mine,” He says softly. Liam takes a shaky breath that matches Theo’s, although he’s trying less to hide it. “So...what do you think?” He asks. “When I move back here for good with David next month, what do you think?”

There’s the million-dollar question, and Theo still can’t answer it. “I…” He starts. “I don’t know.” Some of the anxious hope in Liam’s eyes seemingly struggles to stay, but he keeps looking at Theo intently. Theo’s voice wavers, reminding him of just how  _ fucked _ he is over this. “Y-you really  _ want _ this? You think this is going to work?”

Theo doesn’t expect it when one of Liam’s hands covers his own, but he manages not to jerk away. It’s warm over his, and even warmer when he curls his fingers around Theo’s. “I think that it’ll be a challenge at first,” Liam admits, nodding. “It’ll take a lot of adjusting for both of us. I’m going to have to get used to you and all your stuff again, and you’re going to do the same for me, but I know you, and you know me. Deep down, we’re  _ already _ used to each other,” Liam says, and Theo knows it’s true. “I don’t think it’ll be as hard as you think it will be, but we’ll take it slow, and go at our own pace. I think that this is a challenge that’s worth trying,” Liam says, his fingers rubbing the palm of Theo’s hand. He takes another deep breath and looks up at Theo, whose eyes haven’t left Liam’s face since the very beginning. “And the only thing left that I need to know is if you’re willing to try this with me.”

Theo’s throat feels tight and his lungs might as well have just ceased to exist entirely, but he knows his answer well enough to choke it out. Liam has always known, even without trying, how to pick him apart and lay him out with his words, and tonight is no different. 

“Yeah,” He manages to whisper through a tight throat and a jerky nod, trying his best to ignore the pinpricks of tears behind his eyes.

Liam’s done such a great job of hiding his anxiety, so when he lets out a quick, punched-out breath of relief and a huge smile, Theo’s  _ almost _ surprised; he’s too distracted by trying to keep himself together to really feel much. He  _ does _ feel Liam’s hand squeeze his own a little tighter, and Theo realizes that he’s looked away only when he looks up again to see Liam gazing at him in a way he’s only ever dreamed of.

He’s still trying to register everything that’s happening when Liam starts to lean in ever so slowly, but Theo doesn’t move away. Instead, with the residual anxiety fading away, his eyes slip shut at the same time Liam’s do. 

If Theo thought he couldn’t breathe before, he was wrong. Now, he swears he’s not even there. He forgets where he is on the steps at Lydia’s lake house, because all he needs to know is Liam’s lips on his own. It’s soft, sweet, just like he knew kissing Liam would be, and it makes him want to melt. Liam’s mouth moves against his cautiously but enthusiastically, and Theo reaches up with one hand to rest it on the back of Liam’s head, both to pull him closer and to make some last-ditch effort to hold on and not burst into a million tiny pieces like he feels like he’s going to. Liam hums lightly, Theo sighs gently, and their foreheads rest together when they finally come up for air.

Theo’s heart is still pounding, his eyes looking into Liam’s, when he hears a throat clear nearby. All of the sudden, he remembers where he is, yet it only breaks the haze a little bit. Liam and Theo both look up at the same time, still a little bleary-eyed and breathless, to see Malia standing in front of them with the baby in her arms and a knowing, almost smug smile on her face. 

“He was getting a little fussy,” She says even though Theo can clearly tell by looking at him that he was perfectly fine, and she hands him off to Liam. Liam takes him and arranges him so that he’s positioned sitting on one of Liam’s knees, able to turn his head and see everything that’s going on.

Malia doesn’t say anything else before she leaves, but she does shoot Theo a look that tells him that they’re  _ definitely _ going to have a long conversation about this. Theo doesn’t even mind. 

He looks at the space where she once was until Liam makes a small cooing noise at David, and when Theo looks back over to the two of them, David’s looking at him with interest. For the first time that night, Theo looks at him and he smiles. It’s small and cautious, but it’s reflexive, and what he should’ve been doing all along.

It’s an abrupt change, but not one he’s unhappy with, to find that when he looks at Liam and David, he no longer sees the things he’ll never get to have. Instead, those two sets of blue eyes make his heart soar despite all the questions that still need to be answered. He doesn’t see what he’ll miss. He sees open doors and new possibilities, and he’s a little dizzy with it all.

David makes a tiny noise at him, and both Liam and Theo smile.  _ “Hi,” _ Theo says softly, leaning down slightly so that David can see him better. He’s still kind of out of it, and like he said, doesn’t know exactly what he’s supposed to do with a baby, but he tries. He reaches out carefully to tickle David under the chin, which doesn’t get much of a reaction, but Liam still laughs softly and fondly above. He goes to pull his hand away slowly so that he doesn’t startle him, but David has other plans. The tiny, clumsy fingers of his hand make a fist around Theo’s finger, holding on tight like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, and Theo finds that he can’t breathe again.

They don’t see it as it happens, but from a few feet away, Mason pulls out his phone and captures the moment. The angle is slightly weird since he takes it from a place where they don’t notice him, but the candid shot traps the memory in time forever perfectly. It’s the first picture of something new. Theo looks at David, David looks at Theo, and Liam looks at both of them, his hopeful expression now caught on camera describing it all without words.

❆ ❆ ❆

After that, they try to make it work. They try, and they keep trying, and somewhere along the line, they stop. Pieces fall into place just as naturally as Liam had convinced him they would, so somewhere along the twisted, loopy, complicated line that is their lives together, they stop  _ trying _ to make their relationship work because they don’t need to anymore. 

By the time next Christmas rolls around, they don’t have to  _ try _ to do anything except throw a good enough Christmas party to rival Lydia’s. 

The way they look at each other as they stand by the tree in the house they now share? They don’t need to  _ try _ for that, not at all. It just happens, and so does the feeling of belonging and happiness that blooms in Theo’s chest.

  
Theo doesn’t need to  _ try _ and find exactly where he fits anymore. He’s found it, and it’s here, standing here with David in his arms and Liam by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading, and happy holidays!!!
> 
> i honestly can't believe i forgot about this fic. i was looking through old drafts for a specific one that i wanted to rewrite when i stumbled upon this one, and i'm glad i picked it back up and did something with it. i wrote the first draft of this some time in december of 2019, then rewrote and finished it in august of 2020, so it's been dusted off multiple times by now, lol. (also can't believe that this is my first fic i wrote in full since AUGUST,,, okay,,,)
> 
> anyways, whether you're celebrating something this time of year or not, i hope that everyone is healthy and happy in these troubling times. my inbox on tumblr is always open for anyone who wants to talk, no matter what. have a great last couple days of this hell-year and stay safe!!
> 
> happy holidays!  
> \- emma (grenadinepeach on tumblr)


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